


i find you in sad songs, sounds of rain, sunsets, Sundays, and in all the small things

by thundersandrains



Series: One Chapter at a Time [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thundersandrains/pseuds/thundersandrains
Summary: are you willing to give another chance at love that you wished never died?
Series: One Chapter at a Time [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159679
Kudos: 2





	i find you in sad songs, sounds of rain, sunsets, Sundays, and in all the small things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [s.y.a.p.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=s.y.a.p.).



> hehe hi.

I find you in sad songs, the sound of rain, sunsets, Sundays, and in all the small things.

Seonghwa finally had some free time to stroll in between their full schedules. He was glad that the night was still young, but the familiar store didn’t allow him to enjoy much of the sun left in the sky. He reluctantly let the store manager know his presence with the soft ‘ping’ of the door. The clerk was quick to pass him a smile and was surprised all of a sudden. “It’s amazing to see you both still together after all these years. I wish to have experience such great and young love”

“I’m sorry?” Seonghwa replied.

“The girl that was with you all the time? Aren’t you guys still a couple?’

“Uh, no. We kind of broke up a couple years back.” 

“Oh, so she wasn’t waiting for you to come?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s here.”

“Sofia?”

“Yes! She’s actually in the back, and told me that she’s looking for books to pass the time?”

“Oh. Can I also go to the back?” Seonghwa gestured to the back of the store, and the clerk just smiled and nodded.

“Take all the time you need. Maybe, the both of you can finally see the things you missed out on.”

....

“After all this time, this is where we’ll meet again.”

Sofia knew that voice. She knows that tone so well that her fingers started to tremble and drop the book she took from the shelf. She was surprised at her actions, but was quick to pick up the book and shove it back to the shelf. With a hand gripped tight to the strap of her bag, Sofia was quick to reach the door with quick strides. A faint ‘Sofia’ from him was heard, but she doesn’t dare to look back. 

A hand grabbed hers, and she started to get mad. What gave him the right to appear under my nose after all those years of looking for him? “What?!”

“Sofia, can we talk?” his soft voice was close to breaking, but she didn’t want to catch it.

“About what?”

“About us.” 

Sofia didn’t like the feeling of his warm harm on her wrist, so she shook it off. He looked hurt for a second, but none of it actually matters.

“Was there even an us to talk about?”

“Sofia, please. Just hear me out.”

“No! I was done trying to look for answers as to why you left me alone! Not a word, a message or a note of you saying that you are leaving. Just like that, you were gone in a flash, Seonghwa.” Sofia pretended that her voice didn’t crack at her words because for once, she wanted to look strong in front of the person she had her knees weak for.

“That’s why I want to explain these things to you. Please, just give me the chance.” Seonghwa begged, and for a moment, Sofia actually considered it, but suddenly remembered everything.

“A chance? You could have a chance to explain everything before, but now? You want to finally make things clear after 2 years of leaving me in the dark?”

Seonghwa’s head hung low. He knew what was about to come to him. After being with Sofia for years, he knew what was next when she was almost at her limit.

“For the past two years, I was doing okay. I finally got promoted, got the apartment I wanted, started to have friends and trips out of town, and I was finally able to reconnect with my family. For a while, I was doing okay. Until I wasn’t. Because all this time, when I thought I was doing okay, I really wasn’t. Why? Because you are everywhere, Seonghwa. You left pieces of yourself in the things I used to love. You are in sad songs in my playlists, you are in every sunrise and sunset. Hell, you are in everything that the sunlight touches. You are in every smile I see, because that was my most favorite thing of yours, and now I can’t stop thinking about how I would never get to see those again. I can’t get the thought of you out of my head when I’m sick, because I kept on remembering the moments where you took care of me so well, that I started to be blind of the other things you do. You are in every summer and spring, every scenery, and in every sight of sea. Seonghwa, you were my only motivation back then, so why the hell did you fuck me up so well that I can’t pull back my pieces together? You mended my broken heart only for you to break it even more.”

Sofia was surprised at her words, but didn’t let him notice it. She was keeping these for so long, and when people told her it would be easy once it’s out, she believed them. But how come her heart is heavier than before, and her breaths shallower than it used to?

Seonghwa looked dead into her eyes and said, “You are not the only one suffering here, Sofia.”

“Oh God please don’t turn the situation around, Seonghwa! This is not a game!”

“So you won’t even hear my explanation? You don’t want to face the fact that it was you?”

Sofia’s eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“You were the one who wanted me out of your life, Sofia. Not me.”

No one dared to move or speak. No one dared to blink, because both of them were so afraid of the unspoken words that were slowly oozing out of the seams of their broken yet mended hearts.

“You refused to talk to me, eat with me, or sleep beside me. You were into everything except for us. You had time for everything, except for us.” Seonghwa continued, still trying to meet her eyes. He was desperate to get his message into her, and maybe for a second it did. “I was okay with that, because I said to myself, ‘as long as she’s near me, it’s okay’. Turns out, I was wrong, and I was just delaying the pain that was already there, waiting to ruin us both.”

“I was never those things, Seonghwa.” she argued, her eyes betraying her as tears streamed down her cheeks.

“But you are.”

“I loved you all those times. Don’t you dare to blame me with the fact that you left me alone and cold.”

“I am not blaming you! I was just trying to fill you in with the fact that it was never my intention to hurt you and leave you broken! I was still holding on all those times because I fucking love you. I was okay with the pain, just so I can still hold you close. Until that night. The night I left without a word, the night you thought I planned. Sofia, I never planned to leave you, not even when I was suffering, and not even years after that. But something happened that night that I had no choice but to pack my bags and leave our apartment.”

Sofia can’t seem to find the words to argue and tell him to stop. A part of her wants to run and hide with the thought of him leaving her, but a part of her wanted to stay, to hear his side, to hear what possibly went wrong with the love she thought was over.

Seonghwa sighed and continued, “I was watching you sleep that night, holding your hand, trying to memorize that face of yours. Until you started crying, bawling your eyes, and you kept on saying that you were tired and exhausted and you just wanted everything to stop.”

_He was softly brushing his hands over her hair, and he removed the strands that prevented him from appreciating the beauty of the girl he was eternally grateful for. Until he heard sniffles, then eventually grew into sobs and cries, Seonghwa’s heart hurted at the sight of her crying in her sleep, repeating the words that he never thought he would hear from her._

_I’m so tired. I’m exhausted. Please make it all stop. Make it go away. I can’t do this anymore. Please get me out of here._

_He was devastated. Was I too hard and selfish that I refused to give her the happiness she deserves? Am I that ignorant that I was overlooking the smiles she gave me every morning? Was I too deep into her that I prevented her from enjoying the things that bring her joy? Was everything just too much for her? Was it too hard already to hold on?_

_Seonghwa doesn’t know what to do. He knew his love for her was real, but maybe loving her wasn’t enough for a person as great as her. All this time, he tried to show himself in the things she liked, because he thought he was her happiness. His love was not enough to protect her from the pain that he will continually give her for years._

_Her sobs finally subsided, but he was still drowning in his thoughts. A vibration from his phone knocked some sense into him, and fished it out from his pocket._

_‘Time to go.’_

_He knew that Hongjoong was just reminding him about the places they have to go months after. They have to leave early, to avoid any mess from the media and such. But at that moment, Seonghwa felt like it was a sign. A sign for him to pack his bags, and leave, to never return and bring any more pain to her. Maybe it was time for him to let her go and let her enjoy the things she never could when she was with him. No matter how hard it is for him, he knew this was the only thing he could do to prove that his love wasn’t selfish and controlling, but free and soaring._

_It hurts more to leave because no matter how far he gets, he knew that his heart wasn’t with him.  
It was with her, all along. _

“It was never my intention to leave you, Sofia. I knew we were breaking apart, but I was willing to give all the space you need, if you just asked. I am willing to provide you and allow you the things you’ve been aching for, if you just told me. I was willing to let go of my reason but to see her smiling and happy.” Seonghwa hung his head low, trying to control the tears that were threatening to spill. 

She can’t move. She sometimes thought that maybe she had a share of how things ended up this way, and she was afraid of knowing the truth. She can see Seonghwa slowly breaking apart, her Seonghwa, so close to losing himself because of all the emotions that came rushing into him. She stepped forward closer, but silently debated if she should approach him, tell him she’s sorry, or to turn her back and leave him the way he left her before.

The moment Seonghwa started to sob, all thoughts just left her. She found herself running towards him and engulfed him in an embrace. He was surprised at what she did, but let himself melt into the embrace he craved for years.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Sofia.” he mumbled into the hug. “I thought what I did was going to help you build yourself up, not break you. I’m sorry for being such a coward for running away from the problems that we have to face together. I’m sorry for letting go when you needed a hand to hold you tighter.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” Sofia rubbed his back, trying to calm him down. “I’m sorry too.”

Seonghwa looked at her with a confused look. “What for? I was the one who left you alone.”

“I’m sorry for not being able to tell you about what was going on with me. I was too scared to put so many things on your plate that I became distant and cold towards you. I’m sorry for being mad and seeing you differently after what happened to us. I knew you better than anyone, and I was blinded by the pain that I forgot what type of person you are.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“But I have to.”

“Can we still work this out?” he asked bravely, but terrified for what her answer will be. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I understand.”

“I want us to work again.”

“Huh?”

“I still want you back into my life.”

Sofia softly smiled and hugged him again. Seonghwa placed a kiss on her forehead and let go of her to meet her eyes. “Will you forgive me?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have forgiven you already, Seonghwa. The moment you walked out the door and when I woke up that morning, I was hurt and devastated. But in my heart I know that I have forgiven you already. Because even if I can’t see you, you were everywhere. In the songs I sang in the shower, in the sun that greets me in the morning, in the sounds of rain I enjoy with a hot cup of chocolate, in my Sunday grocery stops, in the sights of sea I look for when I’m out with friends and in all the small habits I do everyday. I forgive you because in those moments I feel alone, I was really not. You left pieces of yourself to prove to me that you actually existed in my life, and that you gave me the love I never thought I deserved.”


End file.
